1. Love the person you married, not the person you hoped you married. Accept your spouse totally. You cannot love a man/woman you do not accept. Stop comparing your spouse with anyone, he or she can never be somebody else. Until you accept your spouse, you can’t get the best out of your marriage
2. Understand each other. No marriage succeeds without understanding. Learn to know one another as best as you can. Understand you are not the same and may never be. Respect that you are both individuals. Get to know each other strengths and weaknesses. Strengthen each other’s weaknesses.
3. Be quick to forgive and quick to apologize. Love forgives. Learn to accept an apology. Freely forgive your spouse’s past, present and future offenses. Never refer to his/her past mistakes. Never go to bed with anger or unsettled quarrel. Marriage is two forgivers living together.
4. Ask your spouse, “What can I do for you today?” every single day.
5. Never talk bad about your spouse to other people. Protect him or her and always keep his or her name safe. Fight for each other, not with each other.
6. Have lots of sex. Enjoy Sex with your spouse. Never withhold sex as a punishment.
7. Keep the word “divorce” out of your vocabulary. Remember your vows. Review them on a regular basis.
8. Provide for the needs of your spouse and children. Never be stingy to your spouse. Care for his/her needs. Be generous to him/her. Pay your children’s school fees promptly and regularly. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. Give yourself entirely, and don’t hold back. Men, Be sensitive to your wife’s needs. Spend money to beautify her.
9. Be faithful to your spouse. Being unfaithful is the easiest way to completely ruin your marriage. Adultery kills.
10. Understand and learn each other’s love language. Either it can be words, gifts, touch, actions, etc. If it is words, then frequently tell your spouse you love and appreciate him/ her. If it is action: regularly do things that they appreciate: either take the garbage out, wash the dishes, cook the food, wash the car, etc
Spoil each other. Keep track of the things your spouse loves and buy them for him or her.
11. Communication is the key to a relationship. Talk like friends and lovers. Don’t make your spouse guess what you are thinking or feeling. Don’t expect him/her to read your mind. You should feel free to discuss all things without fear.
12. Always listen attentively to your spouse. Switch off your phone or television, shut down your computer or iPad and newspapers, books and magazine should be closed. The greatest communication skill you can develop is the listening skill. Be quiet and patient while he/she is speaking, when he/she is done, you can express your opinion. Look straight into his/her eyes when he is talking to you or when you’re talking to him. This will make him/her feel that you are interested in what he/she wants to say.
13. Love, respect and courtesy are basic ingredients of happy married life. Give them generously to your spouse. Show your spouse how much you love, care and appreciate him/her regularly. Say, “I love you,” every single day.
14. Be honest and show sincere appreciation. Appreciate each other. Show your spouse appreciation for the little things. Be thankful and say so!!! Find something that you appreciate about your spouse and say thank you.
15. Surprise each other with lovely gifts, kiss and sex.
Kiss passionately. Hold hands. Cuddle. Make physical affection a priority in your marriage.
16. Make quality time for each other. Keep dating each other. Put your marriage and spouse before your children. Play together. Never lose your sense of humor. Make your spouse your best friend.
17. Share everything…no secrets between you. Be open with your spouse.
18. Be polite and courteous to each other. Saying thank you, please and I am sorry.
19. Get rid of bad habits. Don’t do those things your spouse hates. Don’t do things that hurt him/her. Develop a godly character. Don’t create a hostile environment for your spouse. Focus on making your spouse happy. The best way to improve your relationship is to improve yourself.
20. Always be honest to your partner. Lying never gets you anywhere
21. Aim to do something at least once per week together. It does not matter what, even if it is to eat together, bath together, watch movies together, read books together and share light conversation
22. Do NOT look at other marriages and covet. No marriage is prefect. Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will still have to maintain, mow and weed that side too!
23. Work at your marriage. If you ever lack motivation for your marriage and feel like the flame has gone dead. Just try to imagine yourself without your spouse. Talk to anyone who has lost their soul mate and they’ll tell you that they will give anything to have back that special someone.
Remember, it is your marriage and you have come this far. Make the best of it. Pledge to yourself that you will do your part and try your best. Remember that you chose your spouse for forever.
24. All issues need to have a solution and be resolved at the time of the conversation. Finish what you start otherwise things just hang in the balance,which leads to future problems.
25. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Don’t waste your time fighting over little things. It’s not worth it. Let small things go.
26. Don’t broadcast your problems to everyone else. If you need to talk to someone about it, other than your spouse, get a therapist.
27. Above all: Serve God together, Pray together & Pray for one another. Pray for your spouse daily in your personal prayers. Be specific. Talk to God about his or her challenges and trials, and ask Him what you can do to be a better spouse.
Pst Samuel Olagbenjo II
God bless your marriage